It's been forever. I now work for Apple, which I LOVE so far. Lots of interesting, nice people. School starts up in three weeks. I went to Florida and saw my great-grandmother who is amazing. I saw Legally Blonde with Michelle last week which was lots of fun.
That's the last two months in a nutshell.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Seriously. I'm about to rip out my hair, tear off my clothes, and run into the night. My life is a fucking bore.
Jesus.
Seriously. I'm about to rip out my hair, tear off my clothes, and run into the night. My life is a fucking bore.
Jesus.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Blondes Making Pulled Pork
Some blonde lady is making pulled pork sandwiches on the Food Network.
The Word Fest was yesterday. The event was really amazing. Lots of big authors, great music, and an insane sideshow act guy. The book expo had some really interesting topics. The place was crawling with characters from an Andy Warhol lookalike to punk rockers who have a cooking show. Afterwards we went back to the Raconteur where we drank wine with John Crowley and discussed entertainers and politics. He's such a downtoearth, elegant, intelligent guy. Really a great night and a great event.
The Word Fest was yesterday. The event was really amazing. Lots of big authors, great music, and an insane sideshow act guy. The book expo had some really interesting topics. The place was crawling with characters from an Andy Warhol lookalike to punk rockers who have a cooking show. Afterwards we went back to the Raconteur where we drank wine with John Crowley and discussed entertainers and politics. He's such a downtoearth, elegant, intelligent guy. Really a great night and a great event.
Friday, May 2, 2008
This Little Light of Mine
What a terrible title.
Anyway, it's strangely appropriate. I didn't plan it that way, I promise. That goddamn song was in my head for no reason and it happens to relate to my topic. In a horribly cheesy, smiling at church kind of way.
It's time for me to get serious about design. This semester I was spending more time searching for terra firma and pulling myself into a new, improved self than learning anything. I've reached a semblance of stability and it's time for me to focus on things beyond my own head. My design skills knowledge was stunted about two years ago and it's time to expand. I finally got a chance to walk through the student show today and was amazed at some of the work. I had two or three things up, but they paled in comparison to the professional pieces around it. If I am not among the best at a small school, how do I expect to get anywhere in the real world?
Also, I need to shed a thick layer of skin that's been nagging for almost a year. It just needs to end. I have to figure out how to let it go once and for all.
I need a good challenge. A challenge besides myself. I want something to show for it all. For all the energy I pour into things. I never feel rewarded for anything. It's like I grab hold of something to be passionate about, drain everything I have into it, just be destroyed, leaving me empty.
I would also like some chocolate and cold, filtered water. No ice, though.
Anyway, it's strangely appropriate. I didn't plan it that way, I promise. That goddamn song was in my head for no reason and it happens to relate to my topic. In a horribly cheesy, smiling at church kind of way.
It's time for me to get serious about design. This semester I was spending more time searching for terra firma and pulling myself into a new, improved self than learning anything. I've reached a semblance of stability and it's time for me to focus on things beyond my own head. My design skills knowledge was stunted about two years ago and it's time to expand. I finally got a chance to walk through the student show today and was amazed at some of the work. I had two or three things up, but they paled in comparison to the professional pieces around it. If I am not among the best at a small school, how do I expect to get anywhere in the real world?
Also, I need to shed a thick layer of skin that's been nagging for almost a year. It just needs to end. I have to figure out how to let it go once and for all.
I need a good challenge. A challenge besides myself. I want something to show for it all. For all the energy I pour into things. I never feel rewarded for anything. It's like I grab hold of something to be passionate about, drain everything I have into it, just be destroyed, leaving me empty.
I would also like some chocolate and cold, filtered water. No ice, though.
Friday, April 18, 2008
I'm Sorry For Smudging the Air with my Song
"A Singer Must Die" Leonard Cohen.
My dream last night was vivid and bizarre.
My mother and I were waching TV in the living room discussing car buying. The conversation progressed to other topics, and somehow I let it slip that I am Buddhist, at which point she became angry. She stormed into the kitchen where my father was and didn't allow me to explain that Buddhism is just a philosophy, I'm not worshipping anything. The room started vibrating. I whipped my head to look out the window where I saw a faint shape hovering in the sky, then quickly darting out of view. The sky turned orange. We all ran outside where we were joined by neighbors. There was a deafening vibrating noise increasing in intensity. Somehow we all knew it was the end. The sky went from orange to purple, brightening, brightening, brightening. There were shouts of "I love you" "I'm sorry" "It's really happening." Suddenly I thought of my boyfriend and called out his name. I wanted more than anything to be with him. A random hand took mine as the light and vibrating noise became nearly unbearable. The it was all gone with a flash of white light. I felt the sensation of falling, but with no pain.
I awoke in the same place I fell. My head felt numb, like I'd been drugged. A clear mask covered my face. Everything was pure. The air I breathed, my thoughts, everthing. There were scattered, motionless bodies everywhere, limbs outstretched and tangled. Maskless faces, unlike mine. Someone was standing over me, smiling. It was a man. I mumbled out questions, oblivious. He turned a knob on my mask and the world became more clouded. I vaguely remember being raped. Then he told me I was going to feel very high very quickly. He turned the knob on my mask again. Pure oxygen. I asked if I was going to die and he said yes. "But I don't want to die. Please let me live." But everything felt so good. My eyelids were so heavy. I succumed to it. Then a pang of sadness. Dan. I knew he died alone, without me. I asked for Dan. I needed Dan. I fought so hard to wake up, to snap out of it, to stay alive. My body was lead, my head in the clouds. It took over me.
Then I woke up crying.
It was so awful.
My dream last night was vivid and bizarre.
My mother and I were waching TV in the living room discussing car buying. The conversation progressed to other topics, and somehow I let it slip that I am Buddhist, at which point she became angry. She stormed into the kitchen where my father was and didn't allow me to explain that Buddhism is just a philosophy, I'm not worshipping anything. The room started vibrating. I whipped my head to look out the window where I saw a faint shape hovering in the sky, then quickly darting out of view. The sky turned orange. We all ran outside where we were joined by neighbors. There was a deafening vibrating noise increasing in intensity. Somehow we all knew it was the end. The sky went from orange to purple, brightening, brightening, brightening. There were shouts of "I love you" "I'm sorry" "It's really happening." Suddenly I thought of my boyfriend and called out his name. I wanted more than anything to be with him. A random hand took mine as the light and vibrating noise became nearly unbearable. The it was all gone with a flash of white light. I felt the sensation of falling, but with no pain.
I awoke in the same place I fell. My head felt numb, like I'd been drugged. A clear mask covered my face. Everything was pure. The air I breathed, my thoughts, everthing. There were scattered, motionless bodies everywhere, limbs outstretched and tangled. Maskless faces, unlike mine. Someone was standing over me, smiling. It was a man. I mumbled out questions, oblivious. He turned a knob on my mask and the world became more clouded. I vaguely remember being raped. Then he told me I was going to feel very high very quickly. He turned the knob on my mask again. Pure oxygen. I asked if I was going to die and he said yes. "But I don't want to die. Please let me live." But everything felt so good. My eyelids were so heavy. I succumed to it. Then a pang of sadness. Dan. I knew he died alone, without me. I asked for Dan. I needed Dan. I fought so hard to wake up, to snap out of it, to stay alive. My body was lead, my head in the clouds. It took over me.
Then I woke up crying.
It was so awful.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Easter
My Aunt has a vendetta against my family, one that I was oblivious to for years until recently. She goes out of her way to make my entire family feel alien. Maybe it's because I don't wear Uggs and Abercrombie like she bombards her daughter with. Or maybe because my brothers are content with some candy in their Easter baskets while her sons need to have the latest blinking electronic new features better than yours toy to show off to the other cousins. Or maybe it's the fact that we're a generally happy family, parents are in a happy marriage, my mother content with being a mother, while she struggles to make her soccer mom husband works 60 hour weeks into a glamorous glossy page from Vogue. Funded by the husband working 60 hours a week, of course. The only things she manage to say to wretched old me are "So you're a buddhist now?" and "Oh, you're the only one not wearing Uggs. I'm assuming they're at home."
Other than being reminded of this, it was a lovely morning. Breakfast was delicious as always, it was really good to see my cousins and grandmother. Looking forward to seeing the other side of my family in a few hours.
Other than being reminded of this, it was a lovely morning. Breakfast was delicious as always, it was really good to see my cousins and grandmother. Looking forward to seeing the other side of my family in a few hours.
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