Random Writings

She became so incredible when she drank. While sober she had a noble and untouchable aura about her that made men drool and women tighten their grip on their husbands hands. But once the alcohol would pass her eager lips on Friday nights it was as if a three-foot thick concrete wall crumbled down from around her revealing a wild and mysterious creature, begging to be tamed. She dangled herself just out of reach of every desperate man, allowing them to feel just a hint of the soft warmth radiating from her soul then pulling away in that split second they thought they'd had her (only after getting at least one scotch on the rocks out of them of course.) And so it was every Friday in Luccas Tavern: Lauren would go home warm with the happiness that 6 or 7 free drinks bring while 6 or 7 men went home cold with the rejection and frustration that comes with lusting after an unobtainable woman.

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And so he began the dizzy descent into depression. It began as a tiny yet persistent disturbance, like an itch on that part of the back that is unreachable. The more he ignored the feeling the more it escalated until it slithered around his consciousness and coiled him tightly in its grip. He gasped for air as the asphyxiation violently sharpened his senses. He struggled to free himself, strained to itch though he knew his fingers were unable to reach. But there is only so much perseverance packed into an already feeble human soul. His supply was exhausted so he closed his eyes and let out a sigh from the depths of his chest, finally surrendering.

Down

I think my life is going to go down the drain. My BDD is coming back in full swing, I constantly feel anxious, I have no desire to succeed like I used to, I want to smoke at every opportunity, and I think I'm about to skip school ALREADY today. I'm completely miserable and want to shrink down to a tiny speck and burrow deep into a hole.

Official Schedule

Alright I'm doing a lot better now. The past two days have been euphoric and I'm just starting to come down from it. School was pretty good this week. Once I add and drop the classes I'll be able to settle into my schedule. Work is decent as well: I just got promoted so the extra cash is comforting. I feel really indifferent to everything at the moment.

That's all.

Business

I am in an absolutely horrible mood for no real reason. I want to disappear.

I feel worthless, ugly, stupid, awkward, exhausted.

The stress of the start of the school year along with a 25 hour work week along with Wednesdays at Parsons is causing a mini relapse and it's terrifying me. I don't want to lose everything again.